Practising Forgiveness is not always easy.
Where to start?
What to forgive?
Who to forgive?
I’m sharing with you here my favourite Forgiveness tools I use personally and with my clients. You can read about my experience of forgiveness with my 32-year absent father - Unwrap the Gift of Forgiveness
The tools I'm sharing with you today helped me to heal and forgive.
The Forgiveness Acts are very simple to do. They can take a minute or an hour. Will you see results?
I guarantee. There is tremendous power in forgiving yourself and others. It takes practice though because at first, you are going to resist because a lot of those not-so-pleasant emotions will come up - guilt, shame, embarrassment, resent, anger and you also because you feel a sense of losing control and power. It’s normal.
Some wounds go deep and need more time to heal. On the other hand, you may shift that pain and hurt very quickly.
When we get in touch with our deepest feelings of compassion, forgiveness and gratitude for ourselves, there is profound inner personal healing. We then have the capacity and sympathy to love and heal others.
Be easy on yourself. Start simple
Forgiveness Act #1
You may well have heard of the concept of journaling and expressing gratitude as a daily ritual. Well, I invite you to add things you forgive to that ritual.
For example, after journaling, I have a Daily Planner (a gift from my mentor), and each day I record three things for each of the following…
My Mindset For Today is…
Today I am Grateful For…
Today I Celebrate…
TODAY I FORGIVE…
Your statement can be anything as simple as:
‘I forgive myself for eating that whole bar of chocolate last night’ or
‘I shouted at my hubby, and he didn’t deserve it’, or
'I forgive myself for NOT appreciating all the skills I DO have’ or,
‘I forgive my mother in law for that hurtful remark about my putting on weight.’
As with all things, the more you look for things to appreciate, and are grateful for, the same goes for what and who to forgive, you will find many opportunities of past hurts, regrets and pain you’ve been clinging on to and can release them.
Forgiveness Act #2
Hoʻoponopono (ho-o-pono-pono) according to Wikipedia is a Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. There are many references online I invite you to look up.
The concept is that we are all responsible for everything that we see in our world. By taking full personal responsibility and then healing the wounded places within ourselves, we can heal ourselves and our world.
Whenever an opportunity for healing presents itself in your life, be open to the place where the hurt resides within you. Identify and acknowledge this place, with as much feeling as you can, and then say the below four statements:
I love you
Please Forgive me
You can direct at yourself or another person. There is something very cathartic when reciting these four lines.
If you want to learn more, Dr.Joe Vitale explains in depth and with great examples in 'The Quest for Miracles Through Ho'oponopono'
Forgiveness Act #3
You will need blank sheets of paper, pen, lighter and a foil dish, a quiet technology-free space (turn off phones, pc etc.)
Now, this exercise will take a little longer, so set aside some time in a quiet place; it may help to do this after meditating, or at least being still for several minutes to quieten your mind.
Take several deep breaths into your stomach (extends), hold for 3-4 counts then release slowly out through your mouth (stomach in)
When you feel ready, decide what or who you want to forgive. Only choose one at a time. You are going to write a letter to that person or reason/thing that you want to forgive.
A specific person - i.e. your ex-husband, mum, dad, sibling, boss, friend…
Start writing a letter to him/her stating all the reasons you want to forgive them for…
- All the times you shouted at me
- For not helping me with the housework
- For not standing up for me in front of your mum/dad/colleagues
- For cheating on me
- For lying to me
- For breaking the trust
In the beginning, you may well feel like you don’t know what to write. Relax. Don’t try and edit. Let it flow, let the feelings out. As with most journaling exercises, the longer you write, you will start to unearth the deeper feelings and hurt.
Now you can come back to your letter and add to it. Once you feel complete, you are then going to burn the letter.
It is even more powerful when you say Ho'oponopono prayer as you are burning the letter.
Other letters you may want to write and are incredibly healing is forgiveness around specific issues like your body and money.
The Money Letter is powerful. You get to forgive yourself for all the things you bought that didn’t need, for running up credit card bills, for not repaying your aunty or friend that loan…. Go deep...
So, there you have 3 of my Forgiveness Go-to tools. I hope you enjoyed them, and more importantly, I sincerely hope you will embrace them and include in your Self Love Rituals.
I leave you with this thought: to forgive ourselves, or those who hurt us opens the heart and allows us to love more.
I would love to hear about your 'Acts of Forgiveness' experiences and results. Send me an email firstname.lastname@example.org
As you can see, I'm a firm believer in the power of Acts of Forgiveness. It is one of the core topics woven into my private coaching, workshops, retreats and group experiences. Sign up below to receive news and latest articles.